


You Could Use A Hero Right Now (I Could Use Someone To Save)

by dear_monday



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU: Kick-Ass, M/M, Not!Fic, Superheroes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-17
Updated: 2012-02-17
Packaged: 2017-10-31 08:15:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dear_monday/pseuds/dear_monday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>not!fic about Gerard the teenage failboat superhero: a <i>Kick-Ass</i> AU. Once upon a time, there was a group of teenage comic nerds, who were invisible to girls and sometimes got beaten up by the bigger kids. One of them had a thing about saving people, became a masked vigilante and got involved with an Italian mobster's son, and it all went downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Could Use A Hero Right Now (I Could Use Someone To Save)

**Author's Note:**

> **warnings for spandex, over-use of emoticons, random capitalization, minor character death, non-graphic violence, facial.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> You guys, _I don't even know_. Thanks to [](http://jedusaur.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**jedusaur**](http://jedusaur.dreamwidth.org/) , [synonomy](http://synonomy.livejournal.com), [](http://verbyna.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**verbyna**](http://verbyna.dreamwidth.org/) , and [heyhoolou](http://heyhoolou.livejournal.com) for aiding and abetting this ridiculousness. WHY DO YOU ALL PUT UP WITH ME, FOR REAL? I am not worthy /o\
> 
>  **Edit!** Now with podfics - by [](http://dapatty.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**dapatty**](http://dapatty.dreamwidth.org/) @ [LJ](http://dapatty.livejournal.com/88483.html) | [DW](http://dapatty.dreamwidth.org/7954.html) and by [](http://reena-jenkins.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**reena_jenkins**](http://reena-jenkins.dreamwidth.org/) @ [LJ](http://reena-jenkins.livejournal.com/78296.html)!

Okay, so. School isn't that great for Gerard, what with the way he's pale and socially awkward and really fucking unathletic, but he figures it could be worse, so he just kind of deals with it. He doesn't get that much shit, mostly because the jocks are scared that the gay is contagious or they think he'd actually drink their blood as part of some kind of satanic ritual or some shit like that. He's got Mikey, and Ray, and Bob and a few other people like Brendon and Patrick who he's kind of at the passing acquaintanceship stage with, so it's okay. He likes to think he takes the occasional beating he gets with, like, stoic dignity, but what really pisses him off is when he sees _other_ people getting the shit kicked out of them because it is the PRINCIPLE, okay, and also because in the sanctity of his own brain he is totally already the ~~savior of the beaten, the broken and the damned. Unfortunately, in reality he's just a slightly chubby dude who is in perpetual danger of tripping over his own shoelaces. He always wants to intervene anyway, but he never does because his sense of self-preservation is outsourced and wears glasses and ridiculous beanies and is called Mikey.  
  
So he's got Mikey to remind him that he isn't actually Wolverine or Batman, and Ray and Bob to, like, grab him by the hoodie and drag him away when he looks like he's about to get himself into something stupid. It works as a system, and they all bum around at the same comic store and spend too much time locked in their respective bedrooms. Occasionally they all congregate in one person's house and play World of Warcraft on their separate laptops in the dark and drink excessive amounts of Mountain Dew. This is a cunning ploy to trick their parents into thinking that they actually socialize.  
  
(They all think they are super sneaky INTERNATIONAL MEN OF MYSTERY. They are not. Their parents know exactly what they're up to but figure it's better if they're at least _out_ once in a while.)  
  
TL;DR very much like basically every other high school AU ever. MOVING ON.  
  
So life kind of goes on and Gerard's happy enough. Most people just ignore him, which he thinks, given that he's basically cannon fodder for the world's douchebags, is about as much as he could ask for. But he keeps coming back to this whole superhero thing. Like, why doesn't anyone actually get their spandex on and go out on the streets and fight crime? There have been plenty of heroes who didn't have actual superpowers, why is no one taking their lead from them? There are so many people who read comics, who love them. Gerard _can't_ be the only one who's thought about this. How hard can it be, right? You don't need _powers_ , you just need a costume and a sense of JUSTICE, neither of which are that hard to find. The more he thinks about it, the weirder the lack of real-life superheroes seems.  
  
He brings it up one day when they're all crowded into Ray's tiny bedroom, which turns about to be a mistake, because there's this long silence and then suddenly everyone except Gerard is laughing so hard they can't breathe.  
  
And Gerard is like, "WHAT. WHAT IS SO FUNNY, YOU GUYS, IT COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN AND IT WOULD BE AWESOME."  
  
And Ray is like, "In JERSEY."  
  
And Mikey is like, "They would die. They would actually get murdered in the first five minutes."  
  
Bob doesn't even dignify it with a comment, just sits there and laughs like an asshole. Gerard hates them all, GOD, why does he even hang out with these losers?  
  
He keeps thinking about it, and superheroes suddenly take over the doodles in his school notebooks. The gore and zombies disappear with positively indecent haste. If anyone asks, it's NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT AT ALL NOPE WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT HAHAHAHA. And they're just doodles, not logo designs or costume concepts or superhero name ideas, no, NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL.  
  
  
  
It's not, like, an actual thing or anything, until one day it suddenly is. Because it wasn't even a conscious decision, but Helena kind of taught him to sew? And he finds some weird stretchy, silky fabric lying around under the stairs because the Way residence is just that kind of house, and the suit just sort of HAPPENS. He's sort of rusty with this whole sewing thing, so at the beginning he spends a lot of time trying not to touch the needle with his bare skin, which goes about as well as could be expected, and then every time he gets over his phobia enough to actually hold the thing he panics after a few seconds and stabs himself with it again. Whatever, he figures every superhero needs an origin story that involves untold depths of EMOTIONAL TRAUMA and lots of SRS BSNSS HARDSHIP TO BE OVERCOME, and you have to start somewhere, right? And he would never in a million years say this out loud, but it feels - good. For the first time ever, he has PURPOSE. He is DOING SOMETHING WITH HIS PATHETIC LIFE, GUYS.  
  
Anyway, he finally finishes it, and it's _awesome_. Black with red accents, motherfuckers, and all these little badass zippers and buckles that have secretly been responsible for the disappearance of several of Mikey's less offensive belts. Gerard had to buy the bulletproof vest on ebay, because, okay, Ray and Mikey had a point, this IS Jersey, but apart from that it's all his own work and he's pretty damn pleased with it. His mom nearly catches him working on it a couple of times and he has to stick it under his pillow at the speed of light, and when she gives him suspicious side-eyes and asks what the fuck he's doing he's like, UMMMMM, SEWING? *nervous laugh* And she's all, don't get sarcastic with me, young man -.-  
  
So he hides it away in the back of his closet and prepares to deny all knowledge of its existence if anyone ever finds it there. Every time he looks at it he hears Helena's voice in his head telling him that _black is so slimming, sweetheart_ , which is weird, but he can roll with it, because Helena was the single most badass grandma anyone ever had and he feels like she'd be proud if she were here.  
  
Gerard is a ninja of stealth and hiding, so not even Mikey notices anything's up, although this probably has less to do with Gerard being a ninja and more to do with the fact that Gerard spending prolonged amounts of time hermiting it up in his basement is, you know, not exactly unusual.  
  
But now Gerard has a DESTINY.  
  
  
  
So we're going to take a break from Gerard's ~destiny~ here, because the gossip is that the scrawny new kid at school is the son of one of the biggest Mafia guys in Jersey. No one's going to ADMIT they believe that shit, but no one seems to want to fuck with him just in case it's true. Gerard is just glad that the student body seems to have taken the incident with the last Mafia brat to heart and is leaving this one alone. Gerard's just minding his own business in the cafeteria one lunchtime with Mikey and Ray, because Bob has marching band practice on Thursdays. (Gerard is secretly envious of the way no one gives Bob shit about being in marching band. He thinks it's that icy death glare thing Bob's got going on.)  
  
Anyway, he's having this comfortable circular argument with Mikey about Iron Maiden versus Anthrax (Ray picks his side in this argument according to his mood on the day, or sometimes just acts as referee). They've had this exact argument about a million times before, so Gerard's kind of on autopilot because he basically knows it by heart, and he notices the new kid sitting all on his own at the table in the corner, just eating his sandwich and looking kind of glum. And because Gerard is altogether too fucking public-spirited for his own good, he's all, guys, guys! Look at him, all on his own there, lookin' all sad. We should ask him to come sit with us!  
  
And Mikey is like, if he _is_ Mafia that would get the jocks off our backs  >.>  
  
And Ray, being the designated voice of reason when Bob isn't around, is like, "NO. No, you are NOT asking him to come over here because we are losers and he could EAT US ALIVE, ARE YOU ACTUALLY A CRAZY PERSON OR SOMETHING."  
  
They all turn as one to look at the kid, with matching dubious expressions because the dude's probably 5"5 at a push. Also, they've had a few Mafia kids come through here before, and they don't normally look like this one.  
  
And Ray is like, he could have bodyguards. And concealed weapons, and I would just be A LOT more comfortable if you two didn't try to make friends with the fucking Mafia omg I am actually going to die of a premature heart attack and it will be YOUR FAULT, WAYS, kthxbye.  
  
Ray's hair is starting to look panicked, so Gerard drops the subject.  
  
  
  
Anyway, Gerard has a suit now, but he's painfully aware of the fact that a fancy suit does not a superhero make. In fact, he's tried it on several times now (only in the middle of the night and in the privacy of his basement, naturally, and with the door locked and a chair wedged under the handle for good measure) and he can safely say from first-hand experience that a slightly flabby, out-of-shape high-schooler plus a fancy suit just makes... well, a slightly flabby, out-of-shape high-schooler in a fancy suit. Being Gerard, he wants to get out there and start DOING GOOD and SAVING PEOPLE straight away, but he thinks he should at least wait until he's in a fit state to run for a bus without stopping for a breather before he, you know, jumps in there.  
  
So - you saw this coming, right? TRAINING MONTAGE \o/ fuck yeah. Lots of clips of Gerard doing sit-ups and push-ups and shit. He starts with, like, three push-ups at a time because those things are really hard, okay, and he's not going to save anyone if he injures himself while he's still just working out on his bedroom floor. The classic rock song of your choice (I personally favor Eye Of The Tiger) is _de rigeur_ for this part, obviously. Anyway, he keeps on doing this, still very much on the down low, because he values his status as an old-school nerd with ~principles regarding disgraceful standards of fitness and personal hygiene.  
  
After a while, he can even participate in gym class without dropping out to wheeze alarmingly by the bleachers after five minutes. He still drops out to wheeze in solidarity with Ray and the other non-athletes in his gym class, of course, but he knows he COULD keep running and that thought is weirdly satisfying. He considers cutting down on his smoking habit, but decides against it on the grounds that a) he likes smoking and b) if he does then people are DEFINITELY going to notice that and start to suspect something's up, and no one who knows him is going buy whatever bullshit he'd come up with.  
  
  
  
Moving on! So it's been a while now, and on the surface things look exactly like they did a few months ago. Gerard still sits with Mikey and Ray and Bob at lunch, still says hi to Brendon and Patrick and that weirdo Pete who Mikey seems to like when he sees them in the hallways, potentially-Mafia kid still sits on his own with this little sad face that somehow activates all Gerard's hitherto unsuspected mother hen instincts.  
  
But Gerard respects Ray's blood pressure, so he leaves the kid alone.  
  
  
  
Anyway, Gerard picks the day for his first patrol. It's a Friday, and when he wakes up and practically fucking LEAPS out of bed (which he does not do, ever) he's all, FUCK YES, I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS \o/ This can-do attitude decreases gradually throughout the day until he's got this low-level buzz of worry going on by lunchtime, and by the time everyone his parents are asleep and Mikey's at least pretending to be, Gerard is scared shitless. He stalls for about fifteen minutes checking his bulletproof vest is properly fastened before finally deciding that he has been BUILDING UP TO THIS, this is his ~MOMENT, and if he wimps out now he will never forgive himself.  
  
Obstacle number one is the tiny basement window that basically opens right into the wet, overgrown grass in the back yard. That window hasn't exactly been comfortable to squeeze through since he was about twelve, and even his recent exercise regime has barely made it a viable escape route. So he manages it, just, but it's maybe not his finest hour as a masked vigilante. Fine. Whatever. At least it's not like anyone was watching. He reminds himself that you have to start somewhere, and if that somewhere is your own back yard, covered in grass and rain and who knows what the fuck else then SO BE IT. He is very determined. Take a minute to picture teenaged, spandex-clad Gerard's determined little face. Can you see it? Good. This is what he was meant to do, he can FEEL it. He starts out cautiously, hugging the shadows, but as the night goes on he gains in confidence. He thinks it's the suit. He feels almost... powerful. It's a new thing for him. He's enjoying himself.  
  
All he actually gets to do that night is yell "HEY!" at a would-be mugger, which was all it took to scare the douchecanoe off, but the shot of pure adrenaline is - yeah. _Fuck_ yeah. He could get used to this. He realizes as he wriggles back through the basement window that this was never any kind of bullshit trial run. He's hooked. He wants MORE.  
  
He's exhausted and his legs ache from all that walking and he's freezing his ass off. It was _totally_ worth it.  
  
  
  
He sleeps through most of Saturday, which, again, not exactly an unprecedented turn of events, so it's not exactly a cause for suspicion and concern in the Way household. When he gets up, he stumbles upstairs to the kitchen, grabs a full box of Lucky Charms (Mikey's) and takes them back down to his basement. He eats them dry, straight out of the box, and knocks out _the coolest proposal ever_ for this semester's art project.  
  
  
  
So Gerard keeps sneaking out to patrol the neighborhood as his superhero alter-ego Juice Head, and it's SO GOOD, you guys. He feels competent and smart and brave, which aren't feelings he gets much chance to experience in his day-to-day existence. And that's good, sure, but the _real_ kick? It's knowing that the dickheads are looking at him and not seeing some high school loser, they're seeing someone who could potentially fuck their shit up. And that's _awesome_. He refines the costume, toning down the red accents enough to help him, like, blend into the dark, but leaving enough that he doesn't just look like a batman wannabe (because, hello, NOT COOL, god). He makes a few different masks (eventually resorting to buying one of those little sleep mask things and just cutting eye holes in it), even an honest-to-god balaclava, but they all slip and get in his way no matter how many times he adjusts the stupid fucking elastic, and the balaclava was so hot he felt like his head was going to explode like a tomato in a microwave. In the end, he settles for painting a thick black band across his eyes, bandit-style, with cheap facepaint he found in a kids' party store.  
  
It looks pretty fucking awesome.  
  
He doesn't run into that much actual _crime_ , because it's not actually as easy to be in the right place at the right time as the movies make it look, so he seems to spend a lot of time just walking around doing shit like kicking people's litter off the sidewalk and into the gutter where people are less likely to slip on it. But WHATEVER, HE IS A TOTALLY BADASS PUNK-ROCK SUPERHERO, OKAY, AND HE IS _DOING GOOD IN THE COMMUNITY_ OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. YEAH.  
  
  
  
And that's pretty much the way things are until the day Gerard catches maybe-Mafia-kid loitering under the bleachers looking all glassy-eyed and guilty as hell and fucking REEKING of pot. Gerard is about to book it for Somewhere Else in case the dude is going to, like, threaten him at knifepoint to make him keep his mouth shut - not that Gerard WOULD have told anyone, but the guy is clearly pretty stoned and he looks sort of twitchy in that way that should not ever be combined with sharp objects.  
  
And then the kid suddenly just blurts out PLEASE DON'T TELL MY DAD D:  
  
And Gerard is like, o-kay...? He's pretty sure he must be, like, DRIPPING uncomfortable vibes, but the dude just slumps back down onto the ground with relief, and gives Gerard this big, goofy grin that's actually... really fucking endearing. Fucking _fuck_. Ray is actually going to lose his shit. Maybe-Mafia-kid sort of pats the ground next to him and looks up at Gerard with these ridiculous puppy eyes that should actually be ILLEGAL, GOD, because Gerard somehow finds himself on the ground without any memory of having made the conscious decision to sit down. He suspects mind control.  
  
The dude watches Gerard intently as Gerard lights the smoke he came out here to have, which is unnerving, but Gerard doesn't like to complain. The dude's tiny, sure, and really stupidly cute, but there could still be a bodyguard or two lurking around somewhere, which is really enough to make anyone uncomfortable.  
  
The kid doesn't stop staring as Gerard takes that first sweet drag, so once he's exhaled, Gerard is like, ummm o____0  
  
And the kid is like, fuck, dude, I am SO sorry /o\ just, like, spaced out there. I'm Frank :D  
  
And, oh god, the kid - _Frank_ \- has this stupidly adorable pot giggle and GERARD JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. What with the lazy smile and the big eyes, Gerard is getting all confused and flustered, because he might be the scourge of local petty crime or whatever the fuck BUT THAT DOES NOT QUALIFY HIM TO DEAL WITH THIS, OMGGGGG.  
  
So he sort of mumbles his name at Frank, and Frank's grin gains a few extra megawatts, and seriously, what is UP with this kid? Frank leans in really close, and his mouth is hot by Gerard's ear and Gerard sort of freezes.  
  
"Can you keep a secret, Gerard Way?" Frank whispers, and Gerard manages an awkward jerky nod that immediately makes him want to go and die in a hole somewhere, OH GOD WHY IS HE SUCH A DORK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.  
  
And then Frank whispers, "I am _so_ high right now," and suddenly they're both laughing like complete losers, and then, just like that, they're friends.  
  
  
  
So Gerard still hasn't had much experience with actual CRIME and the active prevention thereof; truth be told, he's still mostly just a vigilante yeller of "HEY!" at this point. But the INTENTION is there, and when he finds an actual crime going down he is going to be ALL UP IN THAT SHIT AND IT WILL BE _AWESOME_ , RIGHT.  
  
It was obviously going to happen sometime, and when it finally does, Gerard is just walking (striding, really. Gerard walks, Juice Head _strides_ ) past a little side street in a pretty busy area when he hears a girl yelling for help, and THAT IS WHAT HE IS HERE FOR, HE IS A SUPERHERO WHO HELPS PEOPLE \o/ YES. So he sort of jumps right in there without bothering to, you know, peer in cautiously first to see what's going on BECAUSE SOMEONE COULD BE IN DANGER, OKAY. It's a bunch of big guys all crowded around one girl, and they're all laughing and she looks scared shitless and Gerard just fucking sees _red_.  
  
Afterwards, it's all kind of a blur. He's pretty sure he charged in there screaming GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! And because your standard-issue thug isn't used to having a fucking _superhero_ attacking them, they all kind of froze, which was probably a good thing because Gerard still isn't the toughest of guys. Like, his heart is in the right place with all this superhero business, but he still doesn't a) have any weapons or b) really know what he's doing in a fight.  
  
Basically, Gerard saves the day with a lot of help from the ~element of surprise~ \o/ BUT. THERE IS A TWIST. There were still quite a few people around, and there were enough streetlights to see what was going on in the side street, and it turns out that someone was videoing the fight on their cell phone! Because, come on, how often does this shit happen?  
  
The video hits youtube and goes viral. It is SO WEIRD but also THE COOLEST THING EVER, no question. Gerard keeps a youtube tab open on his computer, just refreshing it occasionally and watching the view count fucking _skyrocket_.  
  
Every time he thinks about it, he starts grinning, like he can't even believe how incredibly awesome this is. He is TAKING A STAND on behalf of the underdogs. He is MAKING A DIFFERENCE. He has FOUND HIS PLACE IN LIFE, GUYS. That place may be in spandex, but he can make his peace with that.  
  
Mikey, Bob and Ray see the video, of course, because within a week EVERYONE EVER has seen the video. And they all think it's awesome, of course, because it IS. Gerard can't help but feel a little bitter about their sudden one-eighty of opinions  >:( he's all, I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE AWESOME. SEE? _SEE?_ Gerard drops a few pointed hints that HE is Jersey's new masked vigilante, but his asshole friends and his asshole brother all mock him heartlessly on the grounds that he would have to leave his basement, therefore it obviously can't be him.  
  
Gerard will BIDE HIS TIME. HE WILL SHOW THEM, and they will EAT THEIR WORDS. SO THERE.  
  
  
  
Anyway! Meanwhile, Frank is sort of being dragged into their little group. Gerard is all :) :) :) and Mikey is glad because Gerard's been weird(er than usual) lately :| and Mikey might not always show it in a way that other people understand, but he cares about his brother :| really :| :| :| anyway, Mikey likes Frank! Not as much as _Gerard_ likes Frank, though, and Mikey starts drafting a hurt-my-brother-and-I-will-cut-you-I-don't-even-care-if-you-ARE-Mafia-I-am-still-Jersey-motherfucker speech.  
  
Bob isn't the most, like, _demonstrative_ of guys, but he tolerates Frank when Frank jumps on him and climbs him like a tree, which is his way of saying he thinks Frank's cool.  
  
It takes Ray a bit longer to warm up to Frank, mostly because OMG POTENTIALLY MAFIA WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG, GERARDDDDD D: but after a few weeks, Frank's considerable charms start to wear Ray down. Frank is fucking adorable, okay. He gets all cuddly when he's sleepy, and when some asshole tries to put gum in Ray's hair, Frank doesn't even stop to think, he just takes it upon himself to ~defend Ray's honor. Eventually, even Ray is won over \o/ YAY.  
  
BUT! There is still a BUT. Ray insists there's something kind of weird about the guy, and Gerard defends Frank vehemently but secretly agrees, just a tiny bit. WHATEVER. Frank is sweet and smart and hilarious and adorbs. Also, pretty as fuck. Not that Gerard's biased or anything.  
  
  
  
So time passes, and Gerard gets better at juggling this whole double life thing. Unfortunately, he gets a bit over-confident. One day, while he's out on patrol as Juice Head, he gets himself into a sticky situation which he doesn't realize involves the mob. Superheroes are basically redundant without bad guys to fight. FACT McFACT. He is PANICKING because oh god he's too young to die and the cops are gonna have to tell his mom how they found him and he is SUCH AN IDIOT because it's just hit him that he is so, so far out of his depth with this whole thing. Why did he ever think he could change anything? It's like trying to fight a rhino with a toothpick.  
  
BUT THEN. The guy pointing the big gun at Gerard's head suddenly keels over with a knife in his chest! While the other guys are freaking out, there are more knives in the air and Gerard screws his eyes shut because what the fuck people are DYING, even if they weren't very nice people, and this is all just too real. He has never been this fucking scared in his life.  
  
Eventually, all the noise stops, and he opens his eyes slowly and tries not to look at all the blood on the floor. There are two people standing in front of him, but - not just _people_. Superheroes. Superheroes who must be carrying the equivalent of an entire weapons locker between them. One of them is a little girl, maybe ten or eleven, with hair nearly as epic as Ray's, and the other one is a dude wearing - Gerard doesn't even have words for what he's wearing. Roller skates, for some reason, and this cut-off tank top that says "NOISE!" on it. The guy's got guts. Also, a really big gun, which Gerard imagines would probably discourage people from making fun of your outfit.  
  
Gerard manages to re-engage his brain and stammer out a thank you.  
  
"Don't mention it," says the guy, already turning to leave. Gerard is all, WAIT WAIT WAIT. WHO _ARE_ YOU GUYS? *__________*  
  
The guy introduces himself as Show Pony, and the girl is Amazing Grace. They're both wearing headsets, and the Show Pony seems to be talking to someone through his. He's all, yup, don't worry, Doctor D, he's shiny.  
  
Gerard has SO MANY QUESTIONS. Who is this Doctor D? Are there more superheroes? Are they all like these two? Because if they are he might as well give up now :(  
  
Amazing Grace is like, that's classified. We don't trust you  >.>  
  
Show Pony says, "Don't take it personally, doll. We don't trust anyone. But we like you! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING."  
  
And then they leave.  
  
Gerard is in AWE of them, mostly because they are all slick and well-armed and they totally know what they're doing (unlike him), and they saved his life!  
  
His big mistake is assuming there aren't going to be repercussions. OMINOUS MUSIC. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN.  
  
  
  
So anyway, there's this one Saturday when Gerard's parents are out with Mikey on some kind of conveniently timed ~family bonding~ excursion that Gerard wriggled out of by faking a sudden and mysterious attack of the viral plague. Mikey totally knows he was faking and there's going to be hell to pay later, but Gerard DOES NOT CARE.  
  
(Don't look at me like that. I see you there, judging me. Whatever, this is MY self-indulgent not!fic and ~~I WILL DO WHAT I WANT~~ this is a KEY PLOT DEVELOPMENT. Shut up.)  
  
And then Frank turns up on the Way doorstep, all 'SUP. And Gerard is like o.O because they don't really do this, you know? That's not how it works in their little group, they all hang out together or they just stay home. They don't, like, pair off. But Gerard obviously isn't going to just shut the door in his face, because, FRANK, so he lets him in. So they put a movie on and Frank sits down RIGHT NEXT TO HIM on Gerard's BED, which, okay, Gerard is going to keep his fucking hands to himself, but it is an EFFORT and his mind is totally not on the fucking movie because Frank is RIGHT THERE.  
  
And then Frank looks over at him and is all, "Hey, wanna make out?" Because he favors the DIRECT APPROACH.  
  
And Gerard is like, what.  
  
And then he makes this really stupid shocked noise because, oh hi, Frank's tongue. And because he's a loser he sort of sits there in shock for a few seconds, and it takes Frank pulling away with this little worried frown to make Gerard's brain go WAIT WHAT NO THERE SHOULD BE KISSING COME BACK HERE. He reels Frank back in and Frank makes a little happy noise and there is making out, yay! \o/ Frank is sort of... persistent. NOT THAT GERARD IS COMPLAINING. Frank seems to be making it up as he goes along, but at least one of them is taking initiative, because if it was down to Gerard he would just say stupid shit and flail around helplessly and they would never get ANYWHERE, let alone into each other's pants. In his head, Gerard is totally doing victory arms. The only reason he's not ACTUALLY doing victory arms is the fact that he'd have to take his hands off Frank.  
  
Frank makes this weird little growly noise that should not be sexy but makes Gerard shiver anyway, then _bites Gerard's lip_ , which, what the fuck who even does that, seriously. Except that Frank does, obviously, and Gerard makes this super-embarrassing noise, because. Well. It's actually sort of hot? He's trying not to get his hopes up, but it looks like better things than making out are totally going to happen \o/ and Frank is all, fuck this, and just sort of climbs into Gerard's lap and grinds against him until he shudders and goes still with this look on his face like he's just SEEN THE LIGHT or some shit like that, and it takes Gerard's brain a minute to catch up with the fact that Frank just _came in his pants_. Which. Holy _shit_. Gerard nearly loses it on the spot.  
  
And then Frank says, "I wanna blow you."  
  
Gerard makes this really attractive noise and sort of chokes on his own spit, because. WHAT. YES. WHAT. Frank kind of slides down until he's hovering over the zipper on Gerard's jeans, and Gerard is having some trouble processing all this. _Frank_. Frank wants to blow _him_. Frank's _mouth_. On Gerard's _dick_.  
  
Frank looks up at him with this total shit-eating grin and says, "So, like, I haven't done this before, so you gotta tell me if I'm bad at it, okay?"  
  
And then, because Gerard's mouth is STUPID and HATES HIM and is also apparently not connected to his brain anymore, he's all, lololololol, don't you mean tell you if you SUCK?  
  
He can't stop himself laughing. He is MORTIFIED. He actually wants to die. He has never, _ever_ wished more fervently that life had a ctrl+Z function.  
  
He is so, SO lucky Frank is just as much of a dork as he is, because Frank is just cracking up as well, and going for Gerard's belt buckle and yanking his ratty boxer-briefs down.  
  
Frank probably isn't that great, like, technique-wise, but Gerard a) does not have much (anything) to compare him to and b) DOES NOT CARE BECAUSE OH GOD THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL, FOR REAL. He lasts about thirty seconds when Frank grins up at him and then just fucking goes for it. He's pretty sloppy and he gags a couple of times while he's still, like, getting a feel for it, but Gerard is too busy fucking DYING to care. He just LOOKS at Frank and tries to fix the image of Frank's mouth stretched around his cock in his memory for posterity, because, realistically, this is probably just a one-off fluke, but he's going to be jacking off to it FOREVER. Frank's mouth is hot and wet and AMAZING, and when Gerard accidentally pulls his hair a bit he actually _moans_ and the vibrations sort of make Gerard's brain go FZZZZZZT FATAL ERROR and short-circuit completely. He manages to convey a completely incoherent warning that Frank somehow seems to understand anyway, because he pulls off, and ends up with come striping his chin and his neck.  
  
Gerard is like, OH FUCKFUCKFUCK I AM _SO_ SORRY D: D: D: because there is really no way around the fact that Frank's t-shirt now has jizz on it. Gerard could DIE, he is SURE this is not good blowjob etiquette, ohgodohgodohgod. But Frank is all, hey, dude, I'm good, don't harsh my buzz :) :) :) I'm gonna have to wash these pants anyway :) he kisses Gerard again anyway because he is GROSS, seriously, but he looks at Gerard with his eyes all big and dark and says, "Hi," really softly, with this little smile and Gerard just CANNOT BE MAD. He doesn't think he could ever be mad EVER AGAIN. His life? _Awesome_.  
  
  
  
So, yay! Gerard is THRILLED, because Frank really seems to like him and is also not-so-secretly a total dork AND IT'S ALL GOOD. Gerard kind of automatically assumed Frank would be all ~experienced, but Frank is like, lolno. Dork, remember? Plus it's really hard to get laid when there are bodyguards and hit men fucking cockblocking you all the time :( he can only really spend time with Gerard because Gerard is a senior and is ~~HELPING FRANK WITH HIS HOMEWORK. ~~With his dick.~~ And the way Frank is so casual about that kind of makes Gerard go o.O because it suddenly hits him over the head with a baseball bat that he's fucking the heir apparent to the Jersey branch of the Mafia. Oops? but it's FRANK and he's really kind of head-over-heels already for this loser, so he lets that one slide.  
  
  
  
BUT THERE IS TROUBLE BREWING. OOH. Frank's dad is not pleased about his people getting taken out! He thinks it was all Juice Head's fault, so recruits Frank to be a part of his dastardly plan. FRANK DOES NOT KNOW THAT GERARD AND JUICE HEAD ARE THE SAME PERSON! Frank's dad builds Frank a superhero alter ego (Fun Ghoul! \o/) and buys him lots of nifty gadgets. Fun Ghoul has a proper costume designed by, like, DESIGNERS, and a pimped out car and, and. A fucking bat-phone, idk. ALL THAT STUFF. The kind of thing every geeky superhero wannabe covets jealously but will never in a million years be able to afford. The plan is for Fun Ghoul to ~gain Juice Head's trust~ and then crush him like an ant. And Frank kind of goes along with this because his relationship with his dad is sort of fucked up and FRANK JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME, GOD )': it's not so much that Frank's dad doesn't have time for Frank, more that he just wanted to keep him out of the organized crime business until he was LEGAL, at least. So now Frank is suddenly INVOLVED and INCLUDED and that is enough to make him brutally suppress the vague feeling that he's doing something wrong.  
  
  
  
So the trap works, obviously, because Gerard sees Fun Ghoul from a distance when he's out on patrol one night and follows him, because, more superheroes! Gerard has top secret ambitions of a latter-day Justice League type thing, which would be AWESOME, and the first logical step towards that seems to be making friends with as many other superheroes as possible. But Fun Ghoul leads him into this sketchy-looking warehouse and then seems to disappear completely :/ Gerard searches the entire warehouse for him but doesn't find anything, so, feeling disappointed, he goes back to leave again, BUT THEN HE SMELLS THE SMOKE. The warehouse is on fire! D: D: D:  
  
What he doesn't realize is that THE TRAP HAS GONE WRONG. Frank IS still in the warehouse, and he's trapped too D: he and Gerard are both nearly killed, but they are RESCUED AT THE LAST MINUTE by Show Pony and Grace, with help from Doctor D over their headsets \o/ Fun Ghoul and Juice Head conveniently don't get close enough to each other to realize who's under the other mask, but they're both pretty glad to have escaped with their lives, so they don't think any more of it.  
  
Frank's dad doesn't seem that upset that Frank NEARLY DIED, GOD, and Frank feels a bit upset about _that_ :( so he tells his dad that Juice Head is no threat to anybody, and that it was a total fluke that he got in the way before - the ones Frank's dad should REALLY be worrying about are Show Pony and Amazing Grace. Frank has this sinking feeling, like he shouldn't have done that, but his dad seems really INTERESTED all of a sudden and he's telling Frank he did well and he seems kind of proud for once, and Frank CAN'T HELP IT :(  
  
  
  
SO THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTS GETTING INTERESTING. The next day at school, Frank notices a big-ass bruise on Gerard's arm, and a shitload of little cuts and scrapes and shit because Gerard is super-pale and bruises like a peach or whatever. Gerard does not exactly lead a super-active lifestyle, so it's weird and it just BOTHERS Frank, although he doesn't know why yet.  
  
And then Frank imagines him in the suit and the makeup and puts two and two together, and there is SECRET PAINNNNN, OMG ;_______; HE CAN'T BETRAY GERARD ANY MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS!  
  
(Angst and spandex, that's what this thing is built on. SPANGSTDEX.)  
  
So Frank is outwardly his (ab)normal happy-smiley self, and he jumps on Bob and fucks with Mikey's hair and bugs Ray about when he's getting his guitar and engages in obnoxious PDAs with Gerard. PDAs with TONGUE, just because he can. The usual, basically, but on the INSIDE, he is all WHY GOD WHY, MY LIFE IS SO HARDDDDDDD ;_______________; Frank has ALL the secret pain because this is so fucking Romeo and Juliet :( :( :( ugh, he is so CONFLICTED and there's obviously no one he can talk to and he's so CONFUSED and he doesn't know what to dooooooo :( SOB.  
  
  
  
Moving on from Frank's SECRET PAIN for a minute, THINGS ARE HAPPENING ELSEWHERE. Can we have the ominous music again, please? Frank's dad is plotting again, this time to trap them all! PESKY SUPERHEROES FUCKING UP HIS DRUG DEALS, GOD. He doesn't think to mention it to Frank until the last moment, and Frank has to work SO HARD to suppress his D: face and casually ask if he can go and see the senior who's tutoring him to get some help with his calculus. His dad is kind of distracted by all the dastardly plotting he still has to do, so he's like, FINE, GO, and Frank uses his best puppy eyes to manipulate his dad's driver, and gets a lift across town to the Ways'. Frank rings the doorbell about fifty times then barges past Mikey as soon as he comes to the door, and Mikey is all o.O FRANK DOES NOT CARE, THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH AND SPANDEX. So he dashes down to the basement, and Gerard is like, Frank? What happened?  
  
(He asks this because Frank is bright red and he looks like a crazy person and his hair is sticking up all over the place. Gerard is practically Sherlock fucking Holmes, okay.)  
  
So Frank tells him everything, about his dad and being Fun Ghoul and how he's known for a while that Gerard and Juice Head are one and the same. And Frank's little heart is fucking BREAKING even while he's talking, because Gerard's face is sort of crumpling, and Frank feels like the most worthless little shit that's ever existed :( :( :( and it's totally not planned or pre-meditated at all, but Frank finds himself ending his speech by grabbing Gerard's hands and rambling helplessly about how much he cares about Gerard and how shitty he feels. He can FEEL the L-word waiting impatiently to be said, but he doesn't think this is the time, so, with a HEROIC EFFORT, he swallows it back.  
  
And then Gerard's face just goes fucking _blank_. Gerard is _never_ blank and it's the worst thing Frank has ever seen. He wants to die. He starts trying to beg Gerard not to go out later because IT'S A TRAP, GERARD, AND YOU WILL DIE AND I DO NOT WANT THAT D': but Gerard just tells him to fuck off, still with this scary expressionless face.  
  
So Frank fucks off, and he walks all the way home instead of calling the driver for a lift. Time doesn't matter anymore and he just needs to be alone with his angst for a while :'( he is SO ANGRY with himself. He always fucks things up in the end :(  
  
Back at the Ways', Gerard has not-so-secret-PAINNNNNN, because he's Gerard and that's just how he rolls :( HOW COULD FRANK DO THIS TO HIMMMMM? HE ~TRUSTED FRANK :'( he mopes around aimlessly, unable to settle to doing anything. He is an accomplished moper. He could keep this up for weeks if he had to. He wants to cry. FRANK. It feels like having the metaphorical rug yanked out from under his feet.  
  
He keeps moping until he gets a call from a panicked Show Pony, telling him that Grace has been kidnapped D: this is terrifying in itself, because who couldn't Grace take out? D: D: D: Gerard goes anyway, because, fuck Frank, he doesn't need that dick anyway. Nope. Not at all. *sniffle*  
  
  
  
So he rushes to the abandoned paper mill where Show Pony told him to go, and they get Grace out of the chair she's tied to, and it turns out that she went willingly when they came for her because they threatened Doctor D :( but they've miscalculated! Suddenly all these mean-looking guys with guns appear out of the shadows, and THERE IS A MASSIVE SHOOT-OUT. There's loads of old machinery and shit to hide behind, but they're outnumbered and outgunned and Gerard basically resigns himself to the fact that ALL IS LOST and that he is about to die :(  
  
AND THEN. PLOT TWIST! Are you ready for this? FRANK ARRIVES AND SAVES THEM ALL with his nifty superhero gadgets! Look, I don't know how, use your imagination. Grace and Show Pony are having the obligatory post-near-death-experience hug, Frank and Gerard are having the obligatory ALL IS FORGIVEN I LOVE YOU AGAIN makeout session, and it's beautiful, okay \o/  
  
BUT THEN FRANK'S DAD APPEARS D: and he is _pissed_. He's like, FRANK ): < WHO ARE YOU GONNA CHOOSE, HUH? And it was never even a choice, because Frank didn't realize how unhappy he was until he wasn't anymore. So Frank is like, I CHOOSE HIM, DAD. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, HUH? YEAH. \o/  
  
Gerard basically has the most epic hearteyes you have EVER SEEN, and Frank grabs his sweaty hand and starts running and doesn't stop.  
  
AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS SUPERHEROES IN LOVE AND IN SPANDEX, and _now_ Gerard's found his place.  
  
THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **dear_monday**](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/) : what am I DOING /o\  
> [](http://jedusaur.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **jedusaur**](http://jedusaur.dreamwidth.org/) : GREAT THINGS  
> [](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **dear_monday**](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/) : this is the kind of thing I would expect from drunk!me.  
> [](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **dear_monday**](http://dear-monday.dreamwidth.org/) : I AM NOT EVEN DRUNK.


End file.
